How To Catch A Monkey?

Ever wanted a monkey to be your pet, but found out that it is illegal and you don't have the big bucks? Now we have come up with D.I.Y. methods of catching monkeys yourself, at super low cost too! And you can catch many more to sell them too...

Location: Along the road towards Upper Pierce Reservoir

Method 1: Courtesy of Uncle Yam
Step 1: Find a coconut and dig a small hole in it.
Step 2: Put some peanuts inside. (think it will be too messy to squeeze bananas in)
Step 3: Place the coconut near the monkeys and wait patiently.
Step4: Once you see a monkey putting its hand through the hole, you can start chasing the monkey and catch it. (Net sold separately)

Rationale: The monkey will be too greedy to let go off the peanuts inside the coconut, so it has to carry the heavy coconut and run along with it, allowing you sufficient time to catch up with it.

Success rate: Quite likely, unless the monkey is very clever or the hole is too big.


Method 2: Courtesy of Yar Ah Gong
Step 1: Find a coconut and dig a big hole in it.
Step 2: Put a crab inside the hole. The hole must not be so big that the crab can be seen easily.
Step 3: Place the coconut near the monkeys and wait patiently.
Step 4: Once you hear the screams of a monkey, you can go catch the monkey at exactly the place where you have placed the coconut. (Crab sold separately)

Rationale: The monkey, being curious, will put its hand into the hole. The crab will bite the monkey. The monkey will not move, having fear that the crab will bite harder if it moves. So you can catch your monkey without having to run after it. Very easy.

Success rate: Quite unlikely. A big crab requires a big hole and a small crab does not bite hard enough. You might also end up with monkeys that have swollen hands and have to bring them to the vet, who will expose you and call the police. Higher cost is involved.

Suggestion: Eat the crab and go to method 1.